Disappearing Acts

So here it is I'm back at work today, just going over life and thinking of all the horrible things that can befall the average human being and becoming insanely paronoid and afraid. Life truly is a train wreck of sorts! So I'm bodily there and mentally elsewhere, thinking about why I haven't gotten a call back from this job interview even though they say that I did well and how the hell I could just run away and how awfully boring my co-worker is and how childish for a late 30s could be early 40ish woman. And also how much I'd like to strangle her moaning wimpering ass. Just roaming off at the mind. Was so tired on the bus that I got off on the stop AHEAD of my stop but just walked in, the extra exercise can't help I guess. So I call my mom and she tells me that the Caribbean is opening its doors for professionals to roam from Island to island and work visas easier to get...humm that's an option right there. Oh goodness does one ever know where this life is going to take you or show you. I like to think I'm lucky but who knows. There is so much uncertainty.

Life - The Horror Never Ends

.

Death is inevitable...or so we try to forget daily...we do everything to drown it out the awful inevitable. We shop, make Christmas, run around, buy diamonds furs and cars...all to avoid thinking about the dreaded inevitable that someday we won't be here and we won't be relavant and Lord knows if we'll even be remembered. So it is with sadness we mourn the passing of an aquaintance. Not really a big part of my life per se, but none the less one of the many cogs in my husbands' life's wheels, one that turned on a daily basis and one that will now be noticably gone. Just missing, not there anymore with no rain check or postponement date. That's it just over. Life - as I said, just one horror story after the next.

And now since I've been off since like...Tuesday I am dreading going back to work, the longer I stay away the more I hate going back. Mankind just needs to be free, what is all this running around for anyway, all we need is food shelter and time to twiddle our thumbs until; as I mentioned before; the inevitable befalls us. Because after all, what's the bloody use anyway. I hate my job and some of the people at it..but what else can I do to kill time. Well I actually don't hate what I do but its just that I have a desire to be free and not work and just get up and go to the gym. Shit and that's what's really on my friggin' mind today! Huh where's the Iron Chef when you need it...just stupid Emeril Lagasse on now! Shit!

The Hype

So after all the travel hype and turkey basting madness, Thanksgiving is over and it turned out to be a pretty relaxing and fun day, lots of coversation at the In-Laws and good food, no over eating, just calm. Now the race is on 'til Xmas - New Years and its all over...one more year into the past. The lines are growing outside the stores as we speak and actually my husband is on one right now at the local Best Buy! He's a computer geek and boy is he a devoted one too. Out there from 3am, waiting 'til 6am 'cause we all know the hype the sale...the Xmas get! And hey I'm guilty too 'cause I want that new MP3 player that can hold enough song for me to jog a 1/2 marathon to!

Days Go By...

...Yes indeed like that song by Dirty Vegas, they surely do. So where did I leave off..yes I was about to go on that job interview that actually went quite well and a lil birdie says that your dear scribe was received pretty well so now the wait is on...tick tock tick tock! Hey I'm patient. So Thanksgiving is here yet again, seems like it was here 3mths ago..unbelievable!!! How the years fly. Just yesterday I was looking at these old people shopping in the Market, and one pushed the cart 2 aisles and she was gasping! I just thought to myself, dear God life is just one horror story after another. You come here make your mark and then pass into to sweet yonder, into the great Elysian Fields. Well later the same bloody day, we get news that someone pretty close to my husband and I has 6mths to live - cancer. Yet another on of life's horrors, dished up all too cold! All this rushing around, cooking and carryin' on and really for what. Outta here and what's left then, the memories by a few who'll be outta here too. Oh well. So now the cold season will roll around and the Holidays will blow on by bringing us back to yet another Jan. with more resolutions and disappointments come May June & July. Here's to life and the days that slip easily into the future.

Change is Good Right?

So I've got an interview - job interview that is. Tomorrow at quite a reputable company and its almost surreal being that I haven't been on such a thing for at least oh well....4-5yrs. Its strange but I feel like I've nothing to lose. All my pals left the job recently, my boss even quit...its surreal and now they've hired the "wraith" who's just put a damper on the entire back area errrrr. Just too strange, she gives off a strange vibe that I cannot seem to pick up on, but one thing I'm clear about is my subtle dislike for the wraith. So onto bigger? and better? Who knows..wish me luck and by tomorrow I'll know what to do at this fork in the road of my life.

The Swan Song

Friend or Foe


Farewell Arafat, the much debated; and hated in some circles, leader is gone, after a long suffering mystery illness. Me I'm neither here nor there in the debate, he was a good man, he was an indifferent man but he made his mark; however you choose to look at it; on the world. In Paris he took his final breaths, barely hanging on for the last 2weeks tenatiously clinging to life he did but today, he is gone. I just finished putting together footage for an A&E project on his Biography. They'd buried him, methaphorically since last week anyway and we knew to expect the worst so there it is. As they say, another one bites the dust. And now the squabble is on for that elusive cliche of "peace in the middle east" somehow I don't think ever. Peace is a kind of personal responsiblity and the fact is - Israelis and Palistinians don't like each other.

Weekly weigh-in

My life is somewhat ruled by the scale! I know I know it shouldn't be, but lets face it...it is - to a certain degree. Now I'm not as freaked out as some people but I think that I might be somewhere in the zone. I've placed great value in the scale letting it be the dictator of my appearance and my compass for what I should or aspire to look like at any given time. I'm not obese by any stretch and would probably go insane if I were but the scale is the enemy these last days...always showing up something I never quite want to or am prepared to see. I've been around about this weight - oh heck I'll say it 130-140 and sometimes over in the 40's and once in the 50's - much to my shock and horror - for over 14yrs, yet somehow I think its going to drastically shrink! The less weight I have to lose the harder it becomes, mentally challenging and all. So I'm doing ediets now and its great....it has given me the opportunity to try all sorts of different things and variety when it comes to my diet...which at times can get monotonous...try eating cottage cheese fruit and salads for days on end! ho hum! So to all you "dieter" (I hate to use that word) Keep kickin' ass until the scale becomes your friend or at least not such a vile enemy!

Swanky Nudes

So I went out to my friend's photo exhibit tonite at a sweet new restaurant in Harlem...best Spanish food served up haute! Saw the exhibit and here's a sneak peak at the photos. All stylishly taken from behind rippled glass! How swank!

the electric ecclectic nudes


Ethereal Women




We also got into a discussion about how middle America is a dumb as can be and we all agreed that Kerry was no set-the-world-on-fire-kinda dude!

Why I Prefer Male workmates

Ok so back to venting about my job, a job that has its ups and downs and on most days I just want to quit for something more organized, something with more of a semblence of how a footage company is supposed to work. I visited a friend at another such company and my desire to leap ship was even more intensified and then - BOOM! - I got my commission check, which was nice to have. Ok so now I am yet again at another fork in the road, rubbing my chin and scratching my head. The money was a great asset but do I want to stay at this joint. Now they've hired this new female, and boy did I wish I could say that I liked her but from day one, I could see the word "ornary" written on her face. 3 weeks in and she's already complained about - well - just about everything and anything in the office, the way the biz is run. She's too anxious and edgy and that just makes me nervous. She asks way too many questions and somehow she's been miguided in thinking that she's gonna maka a BOATLOAD 'o money in commission. Ok dear, ya might not this first year!! She also seems bitter...a trait that too many women seem to embrace too easily and one that men aren't good at taking on. She's nosey, grudgeful and almost unfriendly, I think she hides behind her hair (which needs a cut and color job severely) oops am I being catty :) The vibe is just bad, and adding to that; nothing works, her pay check was wrong, her computer acted up and on and on. I am truely a firm beliver in vibes and omens, and she's got bad ones and she's a bad omen. I've always worked with 3 guys and boy does she really make me miss them. I loved their bawdy humor and laisez faire candor. So the verdict is in - I CAN STAND WORKING WITH WOMEN...especially catty, bitter, I've-been-hurt-by-the-world types!!!

"Shouts & Murmurs"

Well by now its realized that I've got a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to Religion...Yeah that's my thing, I'm constantly pondering and philosophizing that main purpose of man and his journey here on this planet and what he makes of this journey that he has. I think a lot about human beings and where there heads are at most of the time, what makes us tick so to speak. There usually several different categories we can pop us into...a bit to many for me to go into. The human animal can sometimes be a strange and enigmatic study for the discerning like myself. I'm constantly examining behaviours and habits. I tend to have the species under constant microscope like a mad scientist. When you do this, you unfortunately tend to notice a lot more. I guess that can be a good thing, personally or bad socially.

Some cool links...

So the postmortem begins on how the Dems lost just about the whole house. Everywhere in NY I overhear conversations...sarcastic and cynical none the less on the 'Religious' nuts that swayed the whole damned thing, the Evangelicals...those cursed feeble minded wackos. Two guys on the elevator today:
"So you wanna be a front runner for the Dems in '08, ok here's the check list, so you accept Jesus as your saviour, are you born again...ha ha"
Yes its all over the place...people are scared of abortions and gay marriage..not jobs or anything else under the sun...just those 2 things - well at least in America...'cause golly life is just so gosh darned perfect well thar ain't nothing else to worry about! But I digress, the postmortems are in and the discussions are heated and the analysis on why Kerry lost are vast. Here is one particularly good one.
This is actually an article on the progressive death of American culture, which, in the face of the current climate is quite agreeable, at least by myself.

Beam me up...

Spoke to an old friend last nit & she said that she voted for Bush...yes probably one of the few NYers that did. Yes said she was concerned about morals and gays getting married and...WHAT!!! was more like my reaction. Said Kerry didn't seem to have a clear cut agenda, no real point to make. Just out there screaming in the wind. Yeah I could totally understand it. She said that he just didn't draw the lines clear enough in the sand. Yes she of formerly of a sketchy past and also marry hound was now deeming who and what were suitable to be together. After 'finding' Jesus around about a year ago she's now one of the walking lobotomized herds that dispense jurisdiction on the rest of us. After spending a lot of her life in a somewhat oblivion, my dear friend has 'awoken' to her calling. Now spewing the standard Christian cliches she's afraid that the gays might traumatize her daughter, the same gays that she partied with...with that same daughter hummm.
I had a friend once say that Religion was the downfall of man, I balked and then I let it sink in and thought for a moment and had to agree. Religion has ripped the middle east to shreds, literally and metaphorically; put Israel and Palestine and each other's jugulars. Religion was the catalyst that set the British divide of Ireland into motion, splitting that country in half, pitting countryman against countryman, robbing a people of ever living in peace. In the name of Religion 'pioneers' sailed in from Europe to Christianize and subjugate the 'Godless native' plundering them of all their possessions and reveling in the spoils of the new found stolen wealth. Religion, on its back rose the Taliban, suppressing and terrorizing. With it brought the Christian and Islamic crusades. Genocide in the Sudan, genocide in Serbia. Everyone wants to be the spokesperson for God...The Bible's authors are sworn to be the end all and be all, the Q'uran. Everyone claims ownership of God. Truth is; God is intangible, omnipotent, kind, loving, all knowing and powerful setting major events into motion. No one can speak for him, maybe he/she speaks through us. How do we know that he didn't speak through Montezuma, or Buddha or Muhammad like he spoke through Jesus in the middle east or through some Chinese commoner in the Ming Dynasty or through the Ibo, or the Ashanti or some other miscellaneous tribe in Africa. Why only those few in the middle east. How are we so sure that he didn't speak through all the other lost tribes and peoples of the world flung in all the far corners of this massive globe. The Egyptians, the indigenous tribes of South & Central America. Were they devoid or ignorant of a higher power.

Someone popped a balloon!

Well folks the fix is in...did all you glassy eyed Democrat/Liberals think it would go any other way. The fix was probably in from last year. Like a Don King fight...I really hope that that was the case and that I'm not surrounded by idiots. In this so called '1st' world country, with a bunch of "mouth breathing" "bible thumping" seething backward middle America-'moral majority' spewing freaks! Seems like the rest of the world is moving ahead while we Romantisize a past that exists only in the strange far realms of some labotomized mind. I kinda knew that Kerry was a goner from the get go, too savvy to trendy not definitive enough. He didn't stand an ice-cube's chance in Hell. And alas with all the Fahrenheiting, super star powering, Catholic touting, God Bless America-ing, Howard Stern yelling, Vietnam Vet touting and shear common sense talk...all that still couldn't save him. Truth is, Kerry wasn't the man anyway, he just filled in and stepped up to the plate after - well you know - yup...The Dean SCREAM!!! YEAAAAAHHHHH!!! He put up a good fight though, but the Republicans did a better job to trounce him in the end. I was hoping that he might win out like the Boston Sox did but hey. Well Senator Kerry your tragics flaws that caused your downfall were legion, you came close but no cigar and here are the few things that you might like to work on in case you run again - Dynamo! One has just got to be dynamic...Charisma, you've to 'WOW' them, that 'wow' factor is key...even the vile Hitler had it, Clinton did too...he couldn't even help you. One has to say something for charisma, it can get you in anydoor, anywhere and make sheep out of people. You didn't appeal to the "common denominator" Too much and too all over the place. What's the plan...no real concrete disclosure was the fault. You were too elite, people want a pal. Bush was "pal 'o mine" joshing, joking and Jesusing his way all 'cross country and back into the White House. Yup going to Church and all, shucks a real down home boy. You were wind surfing, or biking, or snowboarding....uh uh Middle America don't get that. They shunned you, they didn't know or get your agenda..hell I wasn't sure either. You wished and washed and they called you wishy washy, flip flop and it stuck because you simple didn't define yourself. You pandered too much and they all saw through you. Even if Bush is the devil in disguise...hey you'd never know. They did a good strategic job on that end. Your wife - too brash, people want the nice homely school teacher; your family; hummm too much, divorce 2nd marriage...yeah people get scared of that. People want the one wife one husband for all eternity ideal - you didn't have it and again you scared them. They thought that the gates of Hell were gonna come flying open and a bunch of married gay folk would come out! The Hollywood types didn't help either - can you say "backlash" and all that service in Vietnam....out the window! Bush Churched it to the max, got my ex-roommate, husband's folks - all democrats I might add- to vote for him. No one was quite sure what the gracious opponent was up to, nor did he really say, maybe it was for all good - but he didn't quite say it! Well as they say, Que sera, sera and the fix is on. Dems, regroup, reform and lets hope there's a country to gather together next 4yrs - go get 'em! But for what ever its worth saying, people will always choose the familiar, even if it ain't good that the strange and unclear. We'll cling to a bad situation 'cause we just do what we know and we're scared of what we might get if we change.

Jesus save me from your followers

Yes save me indeed as 90% of them seem to be completely off their rockers. So election is today and finally an end to the ceasless campaigning in uh Ohio & Wisconsin yeah to all the yahoos and yentas trying to get some votes outta them. Politicians a truely rubes!!! So my husband's folks are voting for Bush and all for the simple reason that they too are fast becoming Religious yahoos and thinks that Bush and his anti-abortion, pro-praying in schools and shameless calling upon the name of Jesus and constant God name-dropping will somehow save America...and the world from doom and the slide into hell or whatever it is that they're afraid of - who knows maybe the 2nd coming of Christ; yes Christ you need to come back and save ME! How you're gonna vote for some nitwit for the simple reason of prayer in schools and other shallow topics like gays trying to get married is beyond fathomable. Lets list some real issues!
AIDS
Health Care
Job loss
Child Care
Crime
Proper housing for people
Erosion of the middle class
I could go on....but people prefer not to deal with the hard facts they just push their heads in the sand and go on about the scandelous and the trivial...last time it was gays in the military...why's everyone so caught up with the gays...what's the big friggin' deal. Divorce is at its highest, if a new set of people want to be lemmings for marriage, leaping headlong into that committment - I say LET THEM!!! MIND YOUR FRIGGIN' BUSINESS!!! This is not a religious state and if you want one...move to Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Kuwait or Qatar where there brand of religious maddness should serve all the yahoos just fine and if you're gonna follow one thing in the Bible follow ALL why not dictate that any couple that even have sex go get married pronto....hey!!!!