The Anatomy of Abuse

I always say that I've never met so many fucked up people as when I moved to the US but I guess, being from a small island, the instance of meeting people who's lives have been turned completely upsided down by other humans is not as great as here in this country. I've begun watching those Intervention shows on A&E and such and it is then I realized, like I always have - the physical and sexual abuse of children is one of the worse things that can be visited on a human being. It ruins a childhood and hurls the victim into an abyss of dillusion, anger and self hatred. Abuse robs the victim of a sense of security and self esteem. Both types of abuse are visited on defenseless children daily in this country. Society doesn't seem to have the wheels oiled in the help train for the abused so they continue to fall beneath the tracks and become crushed, the guilt the shame, parental disassociation combine to form a deadly bomb that explodes into self destructive behaviours. Drug abuse, sex addiction, self mutilation, over eating - all forms at attempting to primitively self medicate and deal with the pain. From the damage that this has wrecked on our society and the shear pain visited on children I believe that ALL child abusers, be locked in either special facilities forever or just simply put to death, that they are able to ever walk in society again is an abomnation to mankind, an offense with no chance of forgiveness.

The Help

Recently my husband and I have become overwhelmed with our jobs, household projects and just life in general. Now I've made the conscious decision to hire someone to help us with the cleaning even help us with some of the projects - painting maybe. My husband is so against it. He wants to clean before the cleaning lady comes over he is obsessed with the thought that she's discussing us, saying we're messy we're horrible people that can't keep our place clean, but that's her job; she cleans!! He is exhausted, mentally and physically. His job and life saps his energy, he can barely put away his clothes after washing but yet doesn't want anyone to help with it. He doesn't want to surrender the duties to anyone, he can't bare to, its against the very fabric of his being - I guess. I went ahead with the cleaning lady come in and what a difference, my time was freed up to do so much, he was able to go on with his projects and was happy afterwards but is still not sold on the whole idea of having help, help.

Sad?

I want to pose some questions to the readers and in essence myself. Is it sad when a middle aged woman, clinging dearly to a faded dream of becoming a huge broadway actress, with stars in her eyes and hope in her heart she writes and produces her own plays in which she is always the star and love interest of obviously way too young men. Am I to think its not sad when a middle aged woman, way past the sex siren bar writes a play as a vehicle for love and affection from a young virile handsome man. Where for every other line this young handsome man cuddles caresses and fawns over her. This play being a ploy to garner love and affection from a man who would most likely in real life never hug or kiss or want her. Is this play something to escape life or is it a sad lonely woman crying out for attention just wanting to be the center of someone's attention, just wanting love, affection, the warmth and longing for the sweet hot touch of a man? I ask these questions and answer yes. The play I saw tonight was one of a sexually frustrated older woman acting out her fantasies, wild sexual fantasies about being needed and wanted by a younger fabulous man. This man holding a torch for her, sleeping with other women that meant "nothing" she being a kitten commanding the attention of that stage hands and sleeping with another man while throwing it in her cheating husband's face - all the while tearing him apart for his infidelities, bitching at every step of this play and killing him and herself in the end. Is this biographical, does this play shine a light on some dark corner of her psyche - is she the stalker, "I can't have you so no one can" type, am I privey to some dark fantasy or am I watching the absolute breakdown of someone so frustrated with their real life that they have to write themselves plays as portals to a life imagined, in effect a better existence.

What The F*ck!!!

I saw the most revealing movie I'd ever thought I'd see last night - This Film is Not Yet Rated. It's made me re evaluate every thing I see on TV and in the movies because apparently what I've been seeing is most likely what the artists didn't originally intend for me to see. And why did I not see the artists' original product - oh well because a few unnamed anonymous folks sitting up in a fortified fortress decided that there was something or things in these movies that might be "detrimental" to children. I'm 35 years old and what I'm able to see is being controlled and most likely edited by unqualified people standing in judgement of modern culture. I am now furious that this organization, set up by an amazing con man - Jack Valenti, has a vice grip on the industry of film making. He convinced the boobs in Hollywood that they needed to get a ratings board in place because government was gonna try to censor and curtail the money making business that are the movies. He set up the MPAA and viola we now have the wonderful child protecting ratings. I never cared much about the ratings only that I wasn't ever interested in anything that was G, PG or maybe even PG 13 and that was from age 15 I was pretty much done with G rated films. What I didn't know was that ratings like NC-17 can cripple a film and stiffle its opportunities to be advertised, seen or even distributed. Any organization with that much power should be transparent, especially when you're not dealing with the security of the first world. The MPAA members are 2nd in secrecy to members of the CIA - damn and before this film, they managed to leak Valerie Plame's identity! Most of the folks don't have small kids and seem to be completely out of tune and devoid of any shred of cultural relativity. No wonder that most of the shit that comes out in the movie theatres is such inane drivel, absolute bullshit. When you've non movie makers and basically non artists suggesting re edits and sticking their stilted opinions where they have no business sticking them, no wonder there is nothing but shit coming out at a theatre near you. Its also scary the folks behind the gatekeeping are none other than big studios and media companies, I wonder what other information they might control - hummm maybe the news perhaps. This is why you have to dig deep go underground and cull for information and in the end the truth that seems to've taken the back burner these last days.
Watching this film it just brought to mind the repressive governments of China and East Germany where everyone is spying and where any original or differential thoughts are snuffed out, where everything has to operate in the underground. All this in a democracy that's trying to ship democracy around the world any doing a great job, especially in Iraq - ha ha ha