Saturday, October 29, 2005

Who Thought 4mm...

...could reek so much havoc. I have a pituitary stalk lesion, swelling or something like it. At least that's what the doctors seem to see up there. Everything on the internet and in/on those dead forums that exist on the internet seem to all be focused on the pituitary glad itself, the little bulb that sits on the bottom of the stalk. Good news - my bulb (or gland) is fully intact with no tumor - great, bad news - the stalk (that carries the messages from the hypothalmus) down to the bulb is experiencing a minor technical difficulty that has caused a domino effect that tumbled me into chaos. First starting with my sex hormones causing me to turn into what amounts to a jelly fish in about 3mths. Depressed hormones are something else. Joint pain, muscle loss and loss of strength and the friggin' weight gain that Drs refuse to admit is connected. I basically spent my summer falling into a vortex of the strange and unreal. All I kept thinking was, who would believe that 4mm could cause this much drama. So now I've begun an unconventional and much talked about treatment which now in my 3rd week is well um ok and seem to be working I'll keep the progress updated.
Spine scan-check, brain scan - check so all that is left to do now is get a much dreaded Spinal Tap and the inevitable biopsy. I've a pretty great Neurosurgeon Dr. Golfinos and he is cheerful and positive. He said that we've to carve out a date - no pun intended - to get this done so that we know what's there causing the pituitary to swell and consequently malfunction and thereby treat. I am just praying that this will be that last of the tests and the last of this long road to uncovering what the hell is going on. Its been one thing after a next and another and...I pray that this is the end of the road. I still think that very little is known or talked about when it comes to issues of the pituitary - I think that most people don't even know what it is or even if they have one. So off we go to surgery and that's a wrap. I'm on GH therapy don't know if anything is happening but I will be chronicaling that.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

They Always Change the Beat

Africans trying to get into Europe via the area of Morocco that practically kisses Spain. So over and under the barb wire the jump and crawl, risking slashings and maybe death and all that goes along with stealing into another man's country for a stab at prosperity, a better life than that which exists back in the clutches of hard times in sub sahara Africa. I see this and I can't help think about the not so long ago past when colonialism was alive and kicking, it was ok for the European to freely charge into Africa, flag in one hand, gun in the next and proclaimed any part of Africa that he saw fit as his and his country's possession, no questions asked, no visa required and no entry blocked. He would then commence to set up shop, build himself a mansion, lay claim to all wealth of the said country, use for his own gain and profit and turn around and demand service from his unwitting hosts. After drawing what he needed from the said country that he invaded, the locals either became tired of his exploit or he sapped the said country and left. The European, soon retreats his home country now resplendent with the wealth sapped out from the colonies and then proceeds to bar the excolonized out. Yes now the beat changes, its ok for the European to plunder but it is not ok for the plundered to come knocking and asking for a few of the exploited crumbs. Now up goes barbed wire, and walls and "where is your visa, green card, pass, entry paper" and all that other bullshit that he was never asked to provide when he sailed up or flew in to reap all the benefits. Now you've to file papers and provide bank statements and papers and documents and file and visit immigration sites and "do you know anyone in this country?" and how long are you staying and where are you staying and how long are you staying and why are you here and on and on. Isn't it funny that when the European entered the colonized country he was never asked any of the above, he just arrived and proceeded to conquer and flourish. Now the Africans are met with barb wires and checks and barriers. Isn't it funny how they can change the beat as soon as you start to get the song, the rhythm. Always a switch and talk about "obeying our laws" yes laws that can't be broken, laws made up by kindly looking white gentlemen in nice suits, those same gentlemen that convince the public of what I can only see as madness. They play on the general populace's fears and insecurities and get them to back all kinds of weird resolutions, but what short memories they all have, all I can call it is a form of selective amnesia.

Friday, October 07, 2005

The Quagmire

I have to touch on the War in/on Iraq, The War to Liberate the Iraqi People, The War to find Weapons of Mass Distruction or whatever they're calling it this week, year or month. Yes the war was first sold after 9/11 as the solution to Terrorism, get Saddam who was somehow linked to Bin Laden and the World Trade Center disaster and yeah, solve all our problems and the world will have a great night's sleep and wake up to a new bright and wonderful day. Ha ha or so we thought. Bush sold Americans on these weapons that now 2years later are found out to not exist, and the Liberation of people that have now become unwitting prisoners in their own country bogged down in a mire of messy squabbles and insurgents and a counterinsurgency that has basically turned their lives more upsided down than it ever was. This was supposed to be a cut and dry exercise: get into Iraq, cut off Saddam, get him, cut off his henchmen, bomb down the country, grab and viola! In the words of George W. Bush - Mission Accomplished! ha ha that was almost 3yrs ago and the bodies are now piling up, Iraqi bodies, American young men bodies and coalition bodies. So after the "shock and awe" we're still there, slogged down trying to put out the fires caused by the pockets of insurgency, insurgency that now seems bent on keeping America and its youth under fire and under the gun in a foreign land. So here it is that the reasons for invading Iraq keeps shifting, first Saddam was a threat, then he had weapons, then when the weapons weren't forthcoming it was to liberate then they found Saddam now its to preserve American freedom. I have never understood that silly logic. No one has brought the war to this country's door but yet they claim to be defending our freedoms - no one is threatening them!! How ridiculous that argument is, but it never fails to brainwash and soak into the brains of the average idiot. And the average idiot is the one who doesn't ask questions, and the one who goes along and inadvertantly the one who will back a quagmire until at such time as he wakes up, only too late to to anything.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Pop Goes...

...the weasel and all the other nonsense. Ok today I found myself thrust onto the E! Network by my husband. I was dizzy with news of "hollywood romances" and "splitsvilles" and "weddings that went bust" and on and on with all the celebrity nonsense. Good Lord, the pace at which they rolled out the "news" was at a giddy speed. Lindsey Lohan, Demi and Ashton and Paris and Paris engagement is off and the 5 million dollar ring and divorce and *sigh* I was out of breath, felt like I ran the gossip marathon. What a mess. Now I know why I really don't watch E! but hey they have an audience like some people I know who are so empty headed and vapid they lap up all the madness. I don't know why people rail so much against gay marriage 'cause the strai8 folks are pretty much making a mokery of it. I mean people get married for 5mths, a couple of hours (a la Britney Spears) for strange reasons, they meet and 5 weeks later its on then off in 5 mths. What a laugh, hey I say let the men marry, and maybe they do the same thing but its not like anyone takes the event serious anymore. Trista and Ryan made a television event out of theirs and Star Jones even got sponsorship. That anyone can still make the argument for marriage being sacred and serious and all to me is one big fat joke. Pop culture - ya just gotta love it.