Monday, July 31, 2006

Another One Bites...

Hi ohhhh! Got em! Mel Gibson besmirched! Last night as my husband found "Passion of the Christ" on tv with all its gratuitous violence - pop, up showed the story about the ingenue of the said show. Mr Mel Gibson drunk and belligerent. The pious super Christian Jesus boy, drunk, outta control and spewing anti-Semitic diatribe when arrested. What is it with all these people that wear their religious beliefs on their sleeves - especially the Christians always, falling unceremoniously from grace. They tumble from a precipice so high its unreal. We all tumble, like Gabriel, tumbling right outta heaven ending up in the debased and iniquitous place called Hell but some tumble harder and the sound is heard further. In his interview with Diane Sawyer he says that he's been "battling the disease of alcoholism" for many years. Disease!!! what the hell, I've heard about diabetes, cancer all things but not knowing when to put the sauce down, since when was that an illness! And where did that Jew Spew come from anyway, humm musta been on the mind and we all know that what the sober tongue conceals the drunken one reveals! So there it is bang! And I'm sure all and sudry of his Churchified friends will rush to tell us that this latest incident must surely be blamed on the Devil and that evil irresistable fire water called alcohol and that how when we're trying to step right, the Devil is there waiting ready to foil and embarass us! Yes that's it, that's a good reason. Many are wondering if this will ruin Mel Gibson in Hollywood - really please, nothing can ruin anyone these last days. His father is an ignorant bigoted asshole and he loves him and thanks him for his Catholic rearing. Well I guess he woulda made good ole papa quite proud, keep chuggin' em Mel!

Saturday, July 22, 2006

A Spotty Past

My mind sometimes wanders back to the past, my past, my ancestors' past. What it was like and the people that they might have been. More like who were they. It is stupefying that these people existed; loved, laughed, cried, had dreams ambitions and goals like we all do now. But they have been vaporized, erased all together by time as a sort of collective historical amnesia. I manage to salvage a few bits and pieces of the jigsaw puzzle that was their life to form a sort of clear image but there are so many pieces of the puzzle missing that one never gets the full 3 dimensions. Everyone just ceased to exist and that's just it, a life omitted like it was never here, the story of their lives never told, not remembered or simply not shared. And all that is left of 40-50 years on the planet is a sentence or two, a brief glance at a vague life. All those years condensed into one sentence - "oh she was beautiful and nice" or what was said about my great grand mother "she was so sweet and dark with a full head of hair" Is that it, is that all we right now can hope to have remembered about us, when all our friends are wiped out, no longer here. Digital pictures gone, memories faded? There were no pictures for some back then, digital or otherwise and paintings - luxuries for the ultra rich of which class they didn't belong. It is like the life of all my ancestors ceased to exist before say the 1940's. No pictures or illustrations, no diaries, sometimes a birth record that is impossible to find, no blog, no narrative, no tales, no nothing. Just a big black void of nothingness, spotted with a few tales of a life lived.
This is the collective void that haunts the peoples of African descent in the "New World" - nothingness, a few names then some then nothing just an obvious historical tale of coming from Africa. And after landing from Africa, its like refeed on the tapes that I have to screen, everything sped up to a blur for about 300yrs then resuming normal speed somewhere around 1890. There was nothing in between and the tape was so badly damaged that there was no slowing it down to see what was actually happening within the blur, just damaged, faded, ruined and gone. No names, no stories, no tracing back so port of entries, no captains log, no artifacts nothing tangible. Tangible things can always be replaced but deleted lives and a deliberately omitted history of on people by another is to me, unforgivable and at best reprehensible.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Let's Play a Game...

...a game called charades!! Yeah, we all love charades don't we, except when people begin to actually live and believe the sandcastles built in their minds. Unfortunately I am now forced to work with someone living the biggest charade of their life, the masquerade is way more elaborate than any carnival in Rio de Janeiro Brazil. Blah blah blah on and on it goes, I think that sometimes the veneer is put up to convince themselves. It is incredible the bullshit, the fantasy has so much depth that I think the individual is completely locked in the fantastic world totally unaware that it is indeed a fantasy that they have created to deal with whatever pain. My co worker is nothing more than a self loathing insecure, insanely immature and ravaged by food and weight and dieting and all things trivial, small minded and inane. Only today she was going on - for the hundredth time about her weight and her 26" waist...(please read with a shrill high pitched valley girl voice) "yes my waist is 26" and my hips, and I'm curvey, and my feet are so small and I wear a size 10 I really am, look! and I'm 155lbs uh I gained, I'm now 165lbs and my diet and I ate so much and the job stresses me and I looooove food, I have stomach problems, I got a colonoscopy, I have Chrone's disease, well not the disease, the gene and everyone else is sooooo fat, or ugly and bigger and taller than me or more Spanish but I'm Puerto Rican and Irish! But no I've never been to Puerto Rico or Ireland, neither has my mother, but her mother's mother was a Russian Jew who met a Polish guy and ya ya ya ya ya ya and my boyfriend and my tan, oh I loooooove the sun and I get sooooo brown oh I'm sunkissed yes, I'm on a diet, I'm just drinking water and maple syrup and my boyfriend is such a slob and he's a fashionista, oh and this guy said that I was gorgeous and this lady wanted to know -"where are YOU from!" I am soooo hot! I am sooooo under! I have a BIIIIG job coming up yes lots of work. Oooh, did I get brown in the sun, am I browner, oh I just loooooove the sun, I get soooo dark, but I don't see myself as black at all, and my dad had a big afro and his last name is Santos but I haven't seen him since I was 4 and oh my friend she got married and she had a solemn mass and flew in a priest from Italy!!! and Jarad, Jarad, Jarad, yes and we've car service and he's an artist, stylist, manager, maitre'd and ohhh he works late, uh he was working, ah I haven't seen him the whole week, yah he's hanging out with friends, oh he misses that I have a 9-5 now and I just can't wait to get home at 5 and our gardener, our housecleaner" (pause to run hands pretentiously through hair while pushing back head) "oh the dressing is Organic! only 50 calories and that's so much awful sugar but I got these macaroons! They're organic but the calories, and sugar and Jarad's mother is a head nurse you know, and all his family is in Real Estate and they make money, money, money and they're all Italian, yes that's how Italians do it, oh my mom used to cook cabbage and corned beef, yes 'cause she's Irish and that Burberry bag, I'm getting it for summer, and the Dior shades, eeewww she is UGLY and did you see her, she got sooooo FAT and she is sooooo BIG! And my big fat ass, no way am I as big as her! gosh I'm up to size 10 and I fit that dress for the wedding, hadn't worn it since last year, a little snug - size 8! I was on a diet, I diet all the time I mean I'm shapely but I'm so fat and *gaaaaaaaaaaaassssssp* OI don't believe!!! And my lake house, yes we had a house on the lake and summers on the lake, sooooo amazing and we went boating and camping all the time and I mean we had it all, my grandfather was in WWII, the house my mother grew up in is sooooo big but they sold it and Oi have to go Spa, yes I go for facials and spas, oh it sooooo relaxing and I've NEEEEVER had anyone be racist to me NEVER! but those Spanish people and that place was sooo ghetto, and Puerto Ricans steal cars and Dominicans and this guy was Irish and Italians and food that they eat oh I'm sooooo under right now....!!"
Somebody give me a friggin spoon so I can GAG MYSELF!!!! On and on this goes, daily and weekly, this revolting nauseating vicious cycle of nothingness. The reason that no one even bothers to shine the awful spotlight on these glaring lies and misrepresentations is that I think we're all on the same page, this is someone so terribly uncomfortable with who they are that they have to resort to loudly proclaiming such unrealistic facts about themselves hoping that people will actually not believe their eyes but instead be hypnotized into believing the lies. The young lady is clearly a size 12 even 14 but to no avail, she repeats over and over like a mantra; hoping that we will believe that she's in fact size 10. Now everything else is up for inspection, does she really live where she says she does, is the life she has really true, everything comes up for scrutiny, I believe nothing that she says. Discredited, and just disgusting at times, it is truly sad, and must take a lot of work trying to stay on this treadmill of masquerading, just trying to keep one's head above the surging tide of bullshit and lies, how difficult. Keeping up with all that is amazingly hard work that must be tiring, because, Lord knows its tiring me.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Join the Club

So lately all this talk about the Jews for Jesus sect flooding the NY area and trying to "enlighten" Jews, had me thinking again. Thinking and seeing the world again in yet another light, and this light is a not so good one. What is it about humans on this planet that most of us can't think for ourselves, we fall into a pack mentality, we need to be led, told what to do, how to think, how to feel, and that they need to know all the mysteries of the world. With all that in mind - religion delivers. All religions, and cults and followings require complete submission of all individual thought, replaced by what they call "faith" and that faith is in whatever doctrine they provide and what sounds good to the individual. We all want or more like yearn to be part of a group, whether its the football team, the popular girls or the Key Club - religions also offer that. I was reading up on Jim Jones and the key thing for his followers was attention, he got the needy, people who were a bit down, needed attention, just needed a follow up and that's what religion - especially Christianity offers. Everyone is looking for answers here on the planet, too many floods, hurricanes, death and destruction, we all want answers. The group claims to have the answers, sometimes some or all the answers. The "club" also claims to be able to bring one utter happiness and bliss, well being, serenity and even financial success! ha ha They all know the way and let you know that the others don't. So as the Jews for Jesus embark on their clever deception to convert Jews in particular to Christianity under the pretense of "knowing" Christ. They slip that in and wham, one day you're a Jew the next goodbye yamulka - hello New Testement.
This morning I had the priveledge to see the Jehovah's Witnesses out in force, canvassing the blocks. Brooklyn is so full of evangelizing and churches and is still fucked up! - Why, because what no one realizes is that religion cannot save us from ourselves. The other day I put on TV One only to be privy to yelling and screaming and carrying on - all in the good name of Jesus. And not only that but, the soliciting of money for various "projects" like running around Africa converting the last natives left into Christianity and maybe getting them to buy that super holy all-problem-solving water I saw being hawked. It is such a shill game going on with religion it ain't funny. I thank God everyday that he gave me the ability to see clearly for myself and that I don't need a soul to direct me into what to do. When you get like that, next step for you is off in the jungle somewhere offing yourself with poisoned Kool-Aid hoping to meet your maker or get to another planet.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Dirty White Lines

White linessssssssssss, running thru my mind! Something blows ya mind away but... oh I digress. Dallas Austin first up on the hit list. A list producer, talented to the brim, just all 'round gifted - caught!!! In Dubai! Arab Dubai!!! Arrrrhgggh are you crazy, he allegedly ran back to the plane for his stash...arrghh again! I thought so hightly of this quiet producer, this producer that isn't flossing all over videos like all the others, caught up in a cocaine mess. Say it ain't so, Dallas, a dope fiend - awww daaayum. They tried to keep the story all quiet and cryptic but alas, the dime was dropped, he was locked up from May and the story broke last week in late June. ummmm okay! But what is even more troubling, is why. Why is it that when the ball gets rolling for these famous folks, up jumps addiction to trip them up, down goes Igby! Poor Dallas, he even had to be pardoned by the Prince, as a "patient" a patient! Sad, he was probably all broke down and pathetic what a mess, pardoned the poor bastard and deported his sorry ass. Is this how it all comes apart Dallas, what a messy meltdown.
No onto the next one, Hilary Swank's husband, ah Rob Low's Brother, Chad Low, um not as good looking as his brother, no where near as famous as his wife and definately upstaged by both. Yup he too, another candidate on the good ole blow. Marriage caved in, public divorce and I am sure no more fame or roles - coke fiend, gotta get clean. Sad, they seem to have it all, but scratch the surface, not even so deep and boom there it is, the insecurities, the issues, the pain. It's there and they've to medicate.
So to you Dallas and Chad we bid you good luck in your search for utopia, just a note, it doesn't really exist, you just have to learn how to navigate the mine field that is life and avoid being blown up!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Get de belly dong

My husband is struggling with his weight, well his belly most of all. This has been a spat that's been going on for the last 5-6yrs. It protrudes, he moans, I encourage, he get belligerent and nothing gets done. Sometimes he'll put in a run with me, or a walk. He tries, he really does but I think that the shear project that involves "getting de belly dong" is daunting him, it is a task and he is worn out. I never understand why he becomes so angry at me when I try to have him go with me to the park to jog, or to kick boxing, or to the gym. There are always excuses - "too many people, crowded, don't like the bathrooms, there are gay guys in the showers, in the lockers, they look at me, I don't like this or that or, just leave me alone" He moans when we hit the park and when he does make it to his once-in-a-blue-moon workout I have to handle him with kid gloves for fear he packs it in, throws a tantrum and doesn't return for another 3months. I don't understand how someone with whom weight loss is so easy once the going gets going can be so discouraged. I came back from my pituitary mess (a whole 'nother story) not knowing what the hell was going to happen, if I would even lose a lb or maybe put on more, but I threw myself into the fight and I'm trying, slowly but surely. How is it that he is powerless to beat back his demons. He moans about his belly, his neck and the way he has to dress. He is dashing, handsome even in his chubby state, still a looker, he doesn't even have much work to do. Not like some who are looking at 100lbs, 50lbs, he's only looking at 20-30 yet he frets and fusses and is frustrated.
So the fight continues and the native foods win all the time; he's good, then he's bad, he gets on a winning streak then he'll bomb. He wants it but is miserable at the work he's to put in to get it. So onward goes the tug of war. I still ask him though, "want to go to the park?" I always get the same answer though - "nope, too tired" and on it goes and when clothes are tried there's tugging and pulling and that phrase raises its ugly head - "gosh, I gotta get dis belly dong!" And the fight, well it continues - someone ring the bell, we're at round 3 and looks like fat's got my poor man on the ropes and angling for a KO punch.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Watch out - Star Falling!

This was the week of the woman, one scorned the other, well that still is to be seen. Star Jones-Reynolds, lawyer and celeb extraordinary; bride of the century with her completely sponsored and paid for by ______ (just fill in the blank) wedding was given the boot, or more like her walking papers. As they all say, hey that's show business. Funny enough The View literally let Star melt down for months now, while allowing the audience to gaze in amazement at her ridiculousness. With claws out and daggers tucked tightly into Burkin purses, the final meltdown occurred. Seems that Star had been told about her contract not being renewed in April and nudged to make up a sentimental tear jerker story or hey, start looking for a new job by summer's end. Star; the church going holy roller she is had another plan. With Pastor in tow, Star threw a monkey wrench right on down on the table at The View. She grasped hands and with eloquent grace, let America know that the cackle fest that is the View was "going in another direction and I won't be back for the 10th season" Oops, Star wasn't supposed to let that cat out that bag and on live air! Oops again, oops a 3rd time when it was found out that she gave an interview to People Mag saying she felt like she was fired. And how dare they!! The mighty Star, you could almost hear the sound of her falling out the sky and finally hitting planet earth. After her fiasco wedding and strange weight loss, engagement at the all star game to what looked like a "sweet" man she'd finally overstayed her welcome. And to tell the truth, without her messy self, that show is one old bore. So out she goes and in comes her nemesis - Rosie O'Donnell, poor Star, ousted and can't believe it. Well as they say, oh how the mighty hath fallen! So down goes Star and in comes Rosie, but they better get her in there fast, 'cause without the drama fest that is Star - The View is even more a bore. No one is beating a drum for Star either, she came off as such a big annoying self righteous bitch that she garnered scores of haters so instead of tears there were jeers and sniggers. So Star, regretting her silly behavior is now out and Rosie will roll with it!