Sunset

So that's it, looks like that last bits of our employee hemorrhaging went out the door last nite. Its weird, last year I remember sitting at my desk thinking how hard it would be to leave with such a great group of people not knowing what you're gonna go to or end up with and in less than a year, all the 'great' people ya didn't wanna leave just up and leave. I guess that'll make it easier for me to leave too huh? As I was walking away I thought to myself how quickly 7 years passed, just like that off into the yonder, like the sun melting off into the west.

You're not white!

"Hey, lemme talk to you for a moment" that was the voice that yelled out somewhere in Chelsea behind me, after realizing that there was nothing to be said, I just waved him off - he; young man about mid to late 20's, looking normal enough. Then up behind me came the voice and a question seemingly out of nowhere - "Why do you perm your hair and try to look white? You're not white! Go natural!" Uh ok whatever. It's amazing what people think they can tell you in the street in this mad city. Today my Muslim friend told me that she always get the Christians trying to convert her..me, I just get the freaks yelling about whatever!
"Hey do you like Hip Hop" ok weirdo #2 day #2. Uh huh I think. Up comes this wanna be retro, jazz fusion hip hop dude - or so he thought he was. Pulled out an album and starts flippin' thru pics of himself going on about this is him performing at such and such and whatever. He's got his lil sis in tow and when she leans in he barks - "Move back, just back it up!" At which point I interject and tell him not to be so mean, she is like his lap dog or whatever, obviously way younger and could take much abuse. He with his Louis Vuitton bag and cheaply pressed CD. He went on on his tangent with much adjusting of his 'Goldy-like' hat and retro shades telling me about the record biz and how he doesn't wanna be involved and that he's gonna make them come to him and he is his own distribution blah blah...whatevah! I just took his info(supplied on a Sprint PCS business card) and said yeah I'll check you out. He kept pressing for my info so I gave him a bogus e-mail and off he went. I mean, you're allegedly an artist with - no web site, no biz cards nothing...get real! And you really think you gonna make it in the music biz - ha ha ha! Betta luck next time!

I've come Undone!

So after a week of diligent eating and exercise I kinda spiraled out on fri, sat & sunday morining...yes bring on the chocolate and bread and yada yada yada, albeitly not as much as some folks on a Friday nite at the movies...but way too much for me, although I know all that, a pound doesn't make; hey,....its been difficult shifting the last 10lbs....hard as hell, nearly one year!!! I am just in one old battle with this body its crazy!!!! Well off to another week and at least 30miles for the week.

Days go by as Dirty Vegas says

Everyone keeps saying to cheer up and this will pass but I really couldn't seem to (cheer up that is), at least up until yesterday, after my 7miler today that chased the blues off. Everyone, husband included says that things will turn out ok. Just that I don't think so, I just think that I'll be caught in the 'looking for work' vortex forever....Anyone ever have that horribly hopeless feeling? Just drifting off to nowhere in particular. Well at least I still gotta job and a decent check coming every 2wks. One thing I think that I gained from this is to just let my bounderies down and go, go on and into the world and nothing is worth holding onto, especially if it doesn't matter the the great scheme of things.

FIRE!!!

Yup that's what it feels like at the job. Its like someone lit a fire and everyone ran out. I've sat here a my lil desk and watched one guy get fired and 4more walk out the door and in less than a year!!! And another one bites the dust, today my coworker up and quit. Gone! Its like my entire work world just crumbled in 2 1/2 months! It's interesting when you meet the crossroads of your life and you don't know what the hell to do or the first place to turn, that's exactly what it feels like right about now. So I'm standing here looking around and thinking....I want a new job cause this one is gonna kill me if I'm the lone worker here! I'm in one of those walking numb states right now! All I keep hearing in my head is that Sade song "When Am I Gonna Make a Livin'"

Running

So I have just decided that I am unabashedly a runner, I love to get out there in the open, in the summer air, especially early in the morning when the sun cracks at just after 5am and just go and keep going...sometimes wishing that I never had to come back to then join the world and its mess and its people and traffic and drama and work and rat race. I dislike the indoor treadmill as much as I dislike the treadmill that life in this city has seemingly become. To just calmly float away and run away far without stopping 4,5,6,8,10 miles and just keep going!

Neighbours

New York New York, the great big melting pot - yeah right. If any of you guys from the NY/NJ area get to walking around the city, and I mean the whole city....all 5 boroughs! Had to go over to the Upper East side from the Upper West, and boy that bus ride through the park separates a whole 'nother world! From the time you land down on the Upper East, its well heeled WASPY thin folks, slinging the thousand $ bags, clean tidy streets, where there's not as much foot traffic - not really set up to encourage that anyway. Doormen in full force, nice; actually, upscale supermarkets and you just feel the wealth. Day schools abound and pricy stores line Madison creating a fortress, one can definately feel quite out of one's environ here - if you're not one of the well heeled that is. Upper West certainly much more foot traffic, one feels welcome, less WASPIER, louder, the people...a bit more liberal and freekish in look and seemingly down to earth and the stores; less expensive and one doesn't feel like ya need a special pass to enter and shop. Fast forward to Brooklyn - Flatbush Ave to be exact, streets crowded teeming with Caribbean Immigrants where ya always feel welcome. Vendors on the street and everywhere you can find hair shops, shops for fixing that hair, hair products to buy and massive emporiums of just HAIR! As always in Black neighbourhoods its always about the hair and nails. Nail salons, hair emporiums and hair salons! All the stuff you damned won't see on the Upper East or West side - bite your tongue! Shops all chock-a-block with no real aesthetic form or feel, this is ghetto, ghetto style, ghetto wear - just plain ghetto! Most of the women are obese, and still sit down to platefuls of too much food. The majority of everyone here looks like the reason they invented the treadmill! The supermarkets are garbage and you'll be hardpressed to find a diet-snapple for blocks! Trust me I tried and just gave up!
The only time the ghetto and the high brows mix is when some elements of the 'ghetto' have to work for the 'high brows' never in each other's neighbourhoods - I guess that's too uncomfortable. I could go on, but see for yourself; just ride the bus; take 5th ave ALL the way up, same for Park Ave., Lexington, Broadway etc etc and see the morph. It's most amazing! And for Brooklyn..just keep going on the 41 or is it the 44 oh what ever, you'll go from hipsters, Poles and Hasidic Jews to Caribbeaners, to more Hasidim to Russions and eventually off into the the Ocean at Coney Island. NY whatta place!

The Herd

So, got to talking with a guy at a pawn shop yesterday and while waiting on my ring to get shined we got to talking and then talking even deeper. My husband mentioned that he was from Guyana and if anyone remembers Guyana well you should remember Jim Jones...well you'll know why the guy then said "don't drink the kool-aid!" He said what I already had figured out in the head, we all at some point want to follow, we all want a leader, to feel protected, safe like some one in charge is gonna take care of things, or somehow knows better; makes living easier to do. Religion is like this like 'Lord of the Flies'; remember that book. There's a leader/head or whatever, the dogma is issued and no questions asked, to ask means you don't believe and to not believe, well the consequences are numerous and again don't ask questions. Many times I get to thinking and start asking questions, especially to Christians, I'm just told well that's what the Bible says...in other words, don't ask any questions just follow, just follow and follow and follow and hopefully you'll be lead of end up in the promised land - where we all wanna be and where the kool aid can't hurt a thing. If you have the nerve, ask yourself - do you want to lead or follow? Because to not be a part of the herd can sometimes be very very hard and in some places....very lonely.

Blah blah blah!!

Yes that's the sound resonating in my head from this week all the fake patronage by all these lame reporters about Reagan and his manipulative wife Nancy...oh how great how sorry.."he was a comedian".."oh the pagentry" "he loved this and that and blah blah blah" from friends reporters and the usual suspects. Poor Reagan was a walking dead that no one seemed to care about for the last 10yrs now he's died the physical death they've trotted out all the maudlin tributes. Moreover, I've never seen a casket do such a tour, from CA to DC all those people viewing and then back to CA and whooosh just put 'im in the grave let him rest. And Barbara Walters and, oh just gimme a bloody break all of you. Now my mom's visiting from B'dos and she's all wrapped up in the mess; talking back to the TV and evaluating every bloody thing! Oh God save me from this train wreck. And Nancy...whatta BITCH!! And poor Reagan, leader of the free world and died not even knowing or remembering the 8yrs.
So all this week was either Reagan or silence or TV off. On a sadder note...Ray Charles died yesterday and his greatness was lost in all the Reagan frakus! Ray Charles! good ole Ray, funky blind macking ass Ray!!! God rest your soul, I've got you on my mind!

Well tomorrow is yet another day and I've a 10k at 9am so time to rest up and get ready for 6miles of pure andrenaline!