Friday, August 24, 2007

The Heart

"Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love, and now become as the most hated one, the one You have thrown away as unwanted, unloved. I call, I cling, I want, and there is no One to answer, no One on Whom I can cling, no, No One. Alone. Where is my Faith - even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness. My God, how painful is this unknown pain. I have no Faith. I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart & make me suffer untold agony."

And there they are, the words of the revered and oh so pious and much suffering, loved Mother Teresa. The doubt, the loss of the voice, the voice she heard so many years before beckoning her to "serve" This just brings home the point that I continue to make and will make until I cease being; and that is - anyone that doesn't question the existence of God and all the trappings of man-made religion or the reason for all this is either mentally ill, in terrible denial or simply a liar. Done. Point blank, and the so-called super pious ones are the most guilty of them all. There it is in writing her turmoil. Turmoil why because here you are the voice, the symbol of all that is Godly in the eyes of the adoring public, the Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, beatified and sanctified but full of doubt and failing faith. The words painful to read and all I could think is what a great inner turmoil she must've been in. And that is the problem with Religion, all teaching is heavy on the doing but nothing of spirituality. All they tell you is "you'll hear God" "God will speak" its all about signs and signals and after a while she realized that it was all garbage and would go as far to say that she was probably misguided. All the work she did, all the relief and happiness she brough to so many, it couldn't quench her burning desire to be all the more closer to God to Jesus. And her dismay might have been greater as she looked down on that adoring mass, thinking that she must've had that special private line to the Almighty when she didn't. Oh the sorrow, the dismay and that is the pain that comes out of the diary.

She didn't want the letters to be published - of course she didn't. The super-pious must always appear steadfast to their minions, any sign of faltering could be the crumbling of an age old institution. So what now, what about Sainthood for Ms. Teresa. Who knows, I write all this not to criticize or condemn the dear Mother but only to stress the point. We are all human and none of us is greater in piety or any "closer" to the higher being aka God than the other. None of us has Jesus' private line, none of us can get a message through to God faster. We are all children of God and we all can connect and that is what the good Mother lost in the fray and the publicity and the grand expectations. She too expected grandly and unrealistically and was terribly disappointed on her own accounts. This is sad. I'm not gloating but just making a point - its all real, none of us are superheroes and no one should be worshiped, no one can pray for us, no one can deliver messages faster and more efficiently to any diety, we're all responsible for our faith and our relationships with God and that's what the church and religion doesn't want us to believe but Mother Teresa's own words are damning.


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